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Marriage Q&A


  • If couples desire different levels of physical intimacy, where is the biblical balance between respecting each other and fulfilling each other's needs and desires?
    The Bible says in I Corinthians 7:5 "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves in prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control." This certainly doesn't mean that one of you gets to determine how often you should have sex. It does help us to see how important it is to be on the same page about it though. We believe that a conversation between the two of you is a good place to start. Find out what the reasons are that you are not on the same page. Sometimes these issues are rooted in the physiology of the body. Hormone imbalance can be a common cause of this mismatch in desire. A simple blood test can determine this and with proper treatment, this issue can be resolved. Physical exhaustion can play a big part in this as well. New parents often find that the primary caregiver becomes less interested in pleasing their partner and more concerned with their own rest, and this is absolutely normal. This can also be a psychological issue that stems from one partner not feeling emotional loved and valued. This can happen when one spouse wants sex more than the other, the more sexual partner makes a move and gets rejected. This can start a cycle of rejection, insecurity, and withdrawal. No matter the underlying cause of the mismatched desires, we have a suggestion that has worked great over the years. If one spouse wants sex at a time that the other is not feeling "up to it", then the one who is pursuing , will shouldn't ask again for 48 hours BUT the one who is being pursued must make the move and initiate within that 48 hours. ​ It should go without saying, there are a lot of different issues that can arise in a marriage and there are not always a cookie cutter answer for them, communication should always be at the start of any issue.
  • How do you balance a crazy work schedule and managing household chores with spending quality time with your spouse?
    Intentionality is key. We understand that life is busy but without intentionality, the marriage can find itself in the back seat. Every person has different needs and lifestyles. Some couples might enjoy having their independence during the work week and find satisfaction in a weekly Friday night dinner date. Other couples may crave more intimacy, so they could decide to pencil in three date nights every week. “What each couple needs to consider to determine the number of date nights that will suit them is how much companionship they want and need,” psychologist Yasmine Saad points out. Date nights are very important and putting them on the calendar doesn't have to take away from the spontaneity; planning to make time for one another doesn't mean you can't still fly by the seat of your pants. These date nights are not for discussing things that need resolutions, children or finances. It should be a fun time together with just the two of you. It is not about the quantity of date nights you get on the calendar, but rather the quality of the time you spend with one another. If your life keeps you busy and you can only offer up a free night together twice a month, those two nights should be an opportunity for the two of you to share the things going on in your heart and reconnect with one another. It is also good to remember that we can all take 15 minutes before bed to just speak to one another and share your "highs and lows".
  • Should I be comfortable with my spouse going out to a nightclub with friends where they are likely to be confronted with drugs, alcohol, and attention from the opposite sex?
    A nightclub by design offers opportunity for either spouse to tempted or led astray. The short answer is No, but let's expound on that. First and foremost, we should put the health of our marriage above our personal desires for a good time. From a biblical standpoint, it is important to remember Paul's words in Romans, "do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Even if both spouses are okay with the idea of the other going clubbing without the other, it is important to understand the risk involved with that environment. You wouldn't take yourWe No, we feel like that is really not a good situation to be in. It's taking a huge risk with your marriage being what's at stake. It's really not even a matter of trust, it's being wise and protecting your relationship.
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